On the second to last day of the first July of this century and this millenium, the Princess of Awesomeness was born, making us parents. Since that first July of the millenium, the Princess of Awesomeness has insisted on having a birthday each and every year. This coming July will signify the eleventh such event. Last July was the tenth. What does all of this mean? It means we are old.
Some people reading this might object to the claim that we are old, while others may be picking their jaws up from the floor after exclaiming, "Holy, Methuselah!" Allow me to explain my reasoning. Think of the oldest living person you know who has children. I guarantee that their children's ages are in the double digits. I am certain that no living person on earth today has a child whose age is in the triple digits. Well, the Princess of Awesomeness has had a double digit age for nearly a year, officially making as old as the oldest living person on earth!
The Princess of Awesomeness, in fact, is old for her age. Certainly some of you may object to that statement, saying you cannot be old for your age; you either are your age or you are not. Now some of you may be objecting to that statement, saying you cannot not be your age. Some of you may now be objecting to the fact that I don't make any sense.
Regardless, the Princess of Awesomeness is old for her age. How? She is about to finish the 6th grade. Most people are 12 years old, or will very soon be, when they finish 6th grade. The Princess of Awesomeness, as I mentioned before, will soon be 11 years old, thus making her old for her age. Or maybe that makes her young for her age since she is younger than the next youngest 6th-grader by a whole year. Or is she old for her age because she is finishing the grade above all of the other 10- and 11-year-olds? Or is she old because she has the same number of digits in her age as the oldest person in the world who still has living parents? Regardless, we are old!
You may be wondering why the Princess of Awesomeness is finishing 6th grade instead of 5th grade with all of the other 10- and 11-year-old. The answer should be obvious: she did 5th grade last year! Some of you may be wondering why she didn't do 4th grade last year with all of the other 9- and 10-year olds. The answer should really be obvious: she did 4th grade the year before. A few of you may be wondering why she didn't do 3rd grade the year before with all of the other 8- and 9-year olds. Well, because she did 3rd grade the year before that! A couple of you may be wondering why she didn't do 2nd grade the year before that with all of the other 7- and 8-year-olds. Because she started 2nd grade with all of the other 6- and 7-year-olds!
One of you just shouted, "What do you mean the other 6- and 7-year-olds??? 2nd graders are 7 and 8 years old!" Not in England! The Princess of Awesomeness started school at the ripe old age of 4 with all of her 4-year-old British neighbors (pardon me, neighbours; Brits have extra U's that we don't have. I mean, Briuts hauve euxtra Uu'su thaut weu doun't hauve).
So the Princess of Awesomeness has gone to school on both sides of the Atlantic Ocean Pond. Whether here or there, she has always been at the top of her class. (Academically speaking. Being physically at the top of her class would require very impressive levitation skills!) Having dominated her class in two separate countries on two separate sides of the world, I think we can officially say she has conquered the world. So yes, when next you see her, the proper greeting is to bow down to your ruler.
And, because she started school in England, the Princess of Awesomeness is now young or old for her age, while her British counterparts are still their age for their age, and we are still old. I mean ould.
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